1 00:00:00,370 --> 00:00:04,970 2 00:00:51,690 --> 00:00:53,410 Lift coming, Sir. 3 00:00:54,830 --> 00:00:55,870 Come on, Come on! 4 00:00:55,870 --> 00:00:58,030 Why are you always so slow?! 5 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,800 I've seen snails with clubbed feet travel faster than you. 6 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,230 The French Army after lunch move quicker! 7 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,830 Not long now, Sir. 8 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,230 I'm picking up several strange 9 00:01:06,230 --> 00:01:08,160 energy signatures on B deck. 10 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,010 I need a lift pronto to check them out. 11 00:01:10,010 --> 00:01:11,680 Just a drop-off on the living quarters 12 00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:13,260 and I'll be with you in a flash, Sir. 13 00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:14,150 Will you really? 14 00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:16,450 Or will you really be a really long time? 15 00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:18,360 A really long time, Sir. 16 00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:20,660 So why not tell me that in the first place then? 17 00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,740 I didn't want to lose your custom. 18 00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:24,590 Who can you lose my custom to? 19 00:01:24,590 --> 00:01:25,840 Our main rival, Sir- 20 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,390 the stairs. 21 00:01:28,850 --> 00:01:30,660 They've been doing really well this year. 22 00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:31,690 Where are you now? 23 00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,420 I've completed the drop-off at the living quarter's deck, Sir 24 00:01:34,420 --> 00:01:36,580 now I've just gotta trip up to the stasis booths. 25 00:01:36,580 --> 00:01:38,630 But I pressed first! 26 00:01:38,650 --> 00:01:40,180 Right. That's it. You are fired. 27 00:01:40,190 --> 00:01:41,930 You can't fire a lift, Sir. 28 00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:42,740 I just have. 29 00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:44,310 How are you going to replace me? 30 00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:46,260 With another lift from another shaft. 31 00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:48,480 I'll get the scutters to transfer and install. 32 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,200 Let me tell you, my lad-do, 33 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,670 There are plenty of young, thrusting lifts around here 34 00:01:52,670 --> 00:01:54,560 who would give their eye teeth to transport 35 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,490 someone of my stature up and down their shaft. 36 00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:03,480 Tell all lifts we're interviewing for a new position in Shaft 14. 37 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,440 All applicants must be prepared to travel. 38 00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:07,620 Only lifts need apply. 39 00:02:09,450 --> 00:02:10,570 Come on. 40 00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:27,340 Lights! 41 00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:29,990 Lister, you've been in my bunk for two days now. 42 00:02:29,990 --> 00:02:31,610 Are you still hung over? 43 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,920 Go away, Rimmer. Turn off the lights. 44 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,570 Look, we've come across a space station, 45 00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:36,770 tech glitch in Sector Three, 46 00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:38,390 there's an asteroid storm heading for it, 47 00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:39,600 it will be toast in five hours! 48 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:40,870 Let's go! 49 00:02:40,890 --> 00:02:42,180 Gimme a break, Rimmer. 50 00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:43,950 I've been in bed for two days. 51 00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:45,730 I need to freshen up. 52 00:02:46,890 --> 00:02:47,870 All right. 53 00:02:47,870 --> 00:02:49,570 Good to go! Come on! 54 00:02:58,540 --> 00:03:01,050 What kind of space station is it, Krytes? 55 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:01,810 Any idea? 56 00:03:01,810 --> 00:03:03,410 Well I don't recognize it, Sir, 57 00:03:03,410 --> 00:03:05,290 but I must confess I did delete 58 00:03:05,290 --> 00:03:07,430 some files off my hard drive this morning 59 00:03:07,430 --> 00:03:08,900 to create more memory. 60 00:03:08,900 --> 00:03:10,360 Really? Is that safe? 61 00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:11,550 Oh, have no fear, Sir. 62 00:03:11,550 --> 00:03:14,730 I only trashed information I consider frivolous and idiotic. 63 00:03:14,730 --> 00:03:17,070 Without checking with me first? 64 00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:18,340 And you are...? 65 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,780 Go into your trash, you mental moron, 66 00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:23,860 and un-delete the Rimmer folder. 67 00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:26,040 You must have dumped me in there by mistake. 68 00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:27,970 That's highly unlikely, whoever you are, 69 00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:29,970 but I'll check anyway. 70 00:03:30,170 --> 00:03:30,970 Oh! 71 00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:32,640 There's a folder in here 72 00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,250 marked "Captain Bollocks". 73 00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:35,750 Could that be you? 74 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,470 Captain Bollocks? 75 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,150 Is that what you call me behind my back? 76 00:03:40,150 --> 00:03:42,630 To your face too, when you're snoozing! 77 00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:45,400 Just dragging it out of the bin and reinstalling. 78 00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:48,060 Oh, Sir! 79 00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:49,410 I'm so sorry! 80 00:03:49,410 --> 00:03:50,400 How could I possibly... 81 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,680 Yes! All right, moving on. 82 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,810 Calling you Captain Bollocks! 83 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,780 Especially behind your back, 84 00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:57,580 and probably sniggering about it too - 85 00:03:57,580 --> 00:03:59,150 how could you not take offense?! 86 00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:00,970 Kryten, please. Let's move on. 87 00:04:00,970 --> 00:04:03,220 Captain Bollocks! Really?! 88 00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:06,030 It's disrespectful and downright offensive, Sir. 89 00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:08,820 Just assure me I'm fully reinstalled. 90 00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:09,880 Rest assured, Sir. 91 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,650 You now have pride of place in my "R" section. 92 00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:16,250 Alongside "ringworm" and "rim shot", Sir. 93 00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:32,850 Now remember, Sirs. 94 00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,490 The asteroid storm will destroy the station 95 00:04:35,490 --> 00:04:37,090 in five hours. 96 00:04:39,410 --> 00:04:41,910 Look, let's split up into pairs. 97 00:04:41,910 --> 00:04:44,280 It will make things a whole lot quicker. 98 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:48,230 As acting superior officer, I naturally get first choice. 99 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,060 Don't want you. 100 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:51,820 Don't want you. 101 00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:55,380 Why is there no one good here? 102 00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:58,910 You get more choice in an Amish barbers. 103 00:04:59,450 --> 00:05:00,660 Kryten, 104 00:05:00,710 --> 00:05:03,410 You're with me. Let's move, people. 105 00:05:03,930 --> 00:05:07,230 If they ever decide to recognize service to toss pottery, 106 00:05:07,230 --> 00:05:09,130 he'll be a Hall of Famer. 107 00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:17,930 I wonder why it's called "Asclepius". 108 00:05:17,930 --> 00:05:21,680 Ah. Presumably after the Greek god of medicine, Sir. 109 00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:23,240 Well, there's that. Obviously. 110 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,040 Obviously that. Yes, obviously. 111 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,810 You think it's that obvious? 112 00:05:36,790 --> 00:05:37,760 Skeleton! 113 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,690 Check it out. 114 00:05:39,690 --> 00:05:40,950 My bet? 115 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,580 It's dead. 116 00:05:47,190 --> 00:05:50,230 Why do skeletons never wear any clothes? 117 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,520 No wonder they all die. 118 00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:54,710 Probably pneumonia. 119 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,110 All right, Male. Caucasian. Thirty one. 120 00:05:58,110 --> 00:06:00,090 And according to this, he was a Colonel Club cardholder - 121 00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:03,470 one chicken stamp away from a free Family Fun bucket. 122 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,740 Man that thing's accurate! 123 00:06:06,810 --> 00:06:08,710 It's weird. 124 00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,060 The DNA, 125 00:06:12,230 --> 00:06:13,580 on this knife handle, 126 00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,310 is identical, 127 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,450 to the DNA in the body. 128 00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:20,400 Meaning this dude stabbed himself in the back? 129 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,430 Why would anyone do that?! 130 00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:23,630 Hey. 131 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:28,310 Some notes here. Might give us a clue. 132 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:33,030 If memory serves, Sir, Asclepius was a medi-bot, 133 00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:35,690 created in the late 23rd century, 134 00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,730 programed to perform all the procedures, 135 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,150 both physical and mental on 136 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:41,370 all known living organisms - 137 00:06:41,370 --> 00:06:45,040 the cutting-edge of droid technology. 138 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,510 Looks like something out of an old sci-fi movie. 139 00:06:50,590 --> 00:06:53,510 It's got to be so much more advanced than me, Sir. 140 00:06:53,510 --> 00:06:54,710 It's got four buttons. 141 00:06:54,710 --> 00:06:55,980 Precisely! 142 00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:02,560 Greetings. How can I be of service? 143 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,930 I am Standing Acting Senior 144 00:07:05,930 --> 00:07:08,390 Commanding Officer Arnold J. Rimmer 145 00:07:08,390 --> 00:07:10,750 of the J.M.C. mining ship Red Dwarf. 146 00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:11,780 Perhaps you could.. 147 00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:14,070 Sir, you haven't introduced me. 148 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,680 I beg your pardon. 149 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,930 This is Kryten. He's a sanitation droid - 150 00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:18,960 mainly toilets. 151 00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:21,460 He can also unblock drains, and is an absolute whiz 152 00:07:21,460 --> 00:07:23,620 when it comes to embarrassing stains. 153 00:07:24,670 --> 00:07:26,670 Sir, I merely asked you to introduce me, 154 00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:28,240 you didn't have to big me up. 155 00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:30,060 Arnold J. Rimmer? 156 00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:31,580 I do believe many years ago, 157 00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:34,240 I had the honor of serving one of your old crew mates, 158 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,350 Flight Coordinator Ronald Littlewood. 159 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,820 Sir, our quake timings are way out. 160 00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:41,790 We need to get back to Red Dwarf. 161 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:42,520 I wonder, 162 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,970 would you care to join us? 163 00:07:43,970 --> 00:07:46,340 We have nothing in our science room 164 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,930 remotely as sophisticated as you. 165 00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:51,250 Why, I would be honored, Kryten. 166 00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:52,530 Follow me. 167 00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:03,930 According to these notes, 168 00:08:03,930 --> 00:08:06,660 the guy's name is Romero G. Gonzales, 169 00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:09,300 and he was a stasis booth engineer. 170 00:08:09,310 --> 00:08:11,040 Ah, Mrs. Robertson, 171 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,680 we're ready to start your procedure now. 172 00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:18,150 And this, must be Mrs. Johnson - 173 00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:20,000 the donor. 174 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,640 No need to be frightened. 175 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,120 There was a time I was 176 00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:27,070 a teensy, tiny, teeny-weeny bit... 177 00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:29,080 MAD!!! 178 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,490 But not any more. 179 00:08:30,490 --> 00:08:31,740 Look. 180 00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:34,440 There's my "all clear". 181 00:08:34,870 --> 00:08:35,840 We gotta go. 182 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,030 We'll close the door behind us 183 00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:37,990 as we pedal out! 184 00:08:37,990 --> 00:08:39,730 I can see you're both quite... 185 00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:41,190 nervous. 186 00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:44,060 Perhaps you need a little something to help you 187 00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:45,200 ... relax. 188 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,550 Bazookoids! 189 00:08:49,690 --> 00:08:50,570 There. 190 00:08:50,570 --> 00:08:52,860 That wasn't so bad, was it? 191 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:55,970 Where are they? 192 00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,440 Tracking them, Sir. 193 00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:58,940 Down here! 194 00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:00,950 Sew, sew, 195 00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:02,810 sew your boat, 196 00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:05,970 gently as you dream, 197 00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:07,790 Merrily, merrily, 198 00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:09,980 merrily, merrily, 199 00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:11,810 life is such a 200 00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:13,180 scream... 201 00:09:25,110 --> 00:09:26,240 Ah! 202 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,520 Mrs. Biddle. You're a little early. 203 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,340 Take a seat in the waiting room. 204 00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,410 I'll show you where it is. 205 00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:56,510 Sir, let's fire them up and get them out of here! 206 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,650 Move, Kryten. Go! 207 00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:11,570 Go, go, go, go, go! 208 00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:47,890 He's coming around, Sir. 209 00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:48,900 Here he comes. 210 00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:51,120 Yes, he's coming around! 211 00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,500 I don't remember drinking anything! 212 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:55,910 You were attacked, Sir. 213 00:10:55,910 --> 00:10:57,460 Remember? Attacked! 214 00:10:57,460 --> 00:10:59,900 I didn't start it, and I wasn't drunk. 215 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,130 Well, I might have been drunk, but I didn't start it. 216 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,260 Well, I might have started it. 217 00:11:06,330 --> 00:11:07,900 I remember now! How's the Cat?! 218 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:10,170 He's in medi-bay four, Sir. He's fine. 219 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:10,810 And me? 220 00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:11,630 Ah, the Cat - 221 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,190 he's 100% tippity top, Sir! 222 00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,860 Yeah, but what about me?! 223 00:11:15,990 --> 00:11:17,320 Prepare yourself, 224 00:11:17,380 --> 00:11:18,760 for a bit of a shock, Sir. 225 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,990 What kind of a shock? 226 00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:22,290 Well, if most shocks are about this size, 227 00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:23,800 this shock is more... 228 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,680 THIS size! 229 00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:29,840 You have a problem with your kidneys, Sir. 230 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,070 What kind of problem? 231 00:11:31,070 --> 00:11:32,530 You don't have any. 232 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,790 That crazy droid organ-napped them. 233 00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:38,320 And when we Marined our way in to save you, 234 00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:40,740 friendly-fire took out the jar. 235 00:11:40,810 --> 00:11:43,590 And which particular friend caused this friendly fire? 236 00:11:44,150 --> 00:11:46,150 Put it there, pal of mine. 237 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,490 Where am I going to get 238 00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,480 new kidneys 3 million years 239 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:51,590 into deep space?! 240 00:11:51,590 --> 00:11:53,570 Didn't I tell you he'd say that? 241 00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:55,630 Hang on a minute. No kidneys? 242 00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:56,980 How come I'm not dead? 243 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,660 Well, I've injected a homemade 244 00:11:58,660 --> 00:12:00,920 MTK chip into your bloodstream, Sir, 245 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,070 which performs a function similar to the old 246 00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:05,750 dialysis machine of days gone by. 247 00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:06,760 All being well, 248 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,410 you'll be fine for...uhm, 249 00:12:08,410 --> 00:12:09,360 Years? 250 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,250 Months? 251 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:11,140 Weeks? 252 00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:13,800 Let's not get bogged down in details, Sir. 253 00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:15,870 I'm totally smegged, aren't I? 254 00:12:15,870 --> 00:12:18,270 Didn't I tell you he'd say that? 255 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,060 All is not lost, Sir. 256 00:12:20,070 --> 00:12:21,980 The perpetrator of this act of derangement 257 00:12:21,980 --> 00:12:24,340 was clearly some mentally unhinged 258 00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:26,000 droid/patient, who managed to 259 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,350 escape his shackles. 260 00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:29,360 Mr. Rimmer and I, however, 261 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,290 managed to obtain the services 262 00:12:31,290 --> 00:12:34,640 of a state-of-the-art medi-bot! 263 00:12:46,820 --> 00:12:49,670 He's a state-of-the-art medi-bot?! 264 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,650 He's only got four buttons! 265 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,630 He goes by the name 266 00:12:53,630 --> 00:12:55,110 of Asclepius. 267 00:12:55,110 --> 00:12:56,090 Asclepius? 268 00:12:56,090 --> 00:12:57,540 Kryten, can we talk? 269 00:12:57,630 --> 00:12:59,450 Just one moment, Asclepius. 270 00:12:59,450 --> 00:13:01,810 Or should that be "Mr." Asclepius? 271 00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:03,560 Actually, neither. 272 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,290 Pardon my faux pas, Professor. 273 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,470 Now, where was I? 274 00:13:06,470 --> 00:13:09,140 Ah - one of Asclepius' many abilities 275 00:13:09,140 --> 00:13:11,140 is DNA re-writing 276 00:13:11,140 --> 00:13:14,030 If Mr. Cat were willing to donate one of his kidneys, 277 00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:16,930 Asclepius here could make his kidney compatible 278 00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,040 with your body. 279 00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,160 This is the Cat we're talking about! 280 00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:22,910 The one with the big black bog brush on his head. 281 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,000 You're expecting me to ask him for a kidney? 282 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,380 He's never given anyone anything in his life. 283 00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:31,070 Wh-when we explain the importance, the idea of him 284 00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:32,970 being a donor might appeal. 285 00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:34,880 Kryten, read the cat dictionary. 286 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,970 There's only one meaning for "donor". 287 00:13:37,010 --> 00:13:38,600 A kind of kabob. 288 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,090 He's a cat. He can't help himself. 289 00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:43,960 He has his selfish side, 290 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,970 But if it wasn't for you, Sir, he wouldn't exist - 291 00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:47,610 neither would his species. 292 00:13:47,610 --> 00:13:49,370 Plus, Sir, you're buds. 293 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:52,070 He'll come through, of course he will! 294 00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:55,180 Didn't I tell you he'd look like that? 295 00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:05,960 Hey, hey, hey! 296 00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:07,440 How ya doin', Bud?! 297 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,540 They said you wanted to see me. 298 00:14:08,540 --> 00:14:10,220 Cat, take a seat. 299 00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:11,740 What have they told ya? 300 00:14:11,740 --> 00:14:12,750 What's to tell? 301 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,410 We all got out in one piece, right? 302 00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:15,390 Right. 303 00:14:15,410 --> 00:14:16,740 Erm... 304 00:14:16,780 --> 00:14:19,120 Listen, I've got a really big favor to ask you. 305 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,080 Go ahead, ask! 306 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,330 Forgive the interruption, Sir. 307 00:14:21,330 --> 00:14:22,910 I suddenly remembered you haven't eaten. 308 00:14:22,910 --> 00:14:23,730 Here you go. 309 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,940 Soup, a roll, and a vitamin booster. 310 00:14:25,940 --> 00:14:28,280 Great! I'm famished. 311 00:14:28,730 --> 00:14:30,100 But that was for... 312 00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:32,160 I'll get some more, Sir. 313 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,730 I don't want any more! 314 00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:35,640 I just need a main course. 315 00:14:35,660 --> 00:14:36,890 And get me one of those drip things, 316 00:14:36,890 --> 00:14:38,560 like he's got. 317 00:14:39,150 --> 00:14:41,460 Listen Cat, as I was saying... 318 00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:43,420 And some Himalayan sea salt! 319 00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:44,620 Listen Cat... 320 00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:46,160 You wanted to ask me something? 321 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,290 Yeah. Look, I'm not going to beat about the bush here, 322 00:14:48,290 --> 00:14:50,010 I'm just going to come right out and say it. 323 00:14:50,010 --> 00:14:51,690 Just going to come right out and say it. 324 00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:53,660 I'm not going to beat about the bush. 325 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,320 I'm just going to come right out and say it. 326 00:14:56,540 --> 00:14:57,440 In a minute. 327 00:14:59,110 --> 00:15:00,720 I need you to.... 328 00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:04,350 give me.... 329 00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:06,800 one of your kidneys. 330 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,000 Kidneys?! 331 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,650 This is fish! 332 00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,460 Not the food, you doink - the organ! 333 00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:15,420 That crazy droid organ-napped mine, 334 00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:17,520 then they got nuked in the gunfight. 335 00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:18,710 So let me get this straight; 336 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,270 I give you one of my kidneys, 337 00:15:20,270 --> 00:15:21,480 what do I get? 338 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,690 A hole. 339 00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:27,530 Where your kidney used to be. 340 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,480 So, I give you a kidney, you give me a hole? 341 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:32,990 You keep the kidney, I keep the hole? 342 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,100 My gift to you. 343 00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:35,610 I tell you what, 344 00:15:35,610 --> 00:15:37,380 it's not your kidneys that need replacing, 345 00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:38,820 it's your damn brain! 346 00:15:38,820 --> 00:15:40,450 Cat, if you don't give me a kidney and I die, 347 00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:42,080 think how you'll feel! 348 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,540 Better than you!! 349 00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:47,190 You know what, I think this is all a front 350 00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:48,380 from you. It's just all a front. 351 00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,810 Because I know you. I know you. 352 00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:51,750 And when push comes to shove, 353 00:15:51,770 --> 00:15:53,400 you'll do what's right. 354 00:15:53,770 --> 00:15:55,870 W-well I won't do what's right! 355 00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:58,000 I hate doing what's right!! 356 00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:00,770 All these years being together, 357 00:16:00,770 --> 00:16:02,740 you think someone knows you! 358 00:16:03,270 --> 00:16:05,500 You don't know me at all!! 359 00:16:08,610 --> 00:16:10,330 Where's that sea salt! 360 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,760 Do I have to do everything myself around here?!? 361 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,320 Ah. I thought you might be here. 362 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,150 How can I be of service, Sir? 363 00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:24,130 I'd quite like to see you with regard to your... 364 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,140 psychiatric skills. 365 00:16:27,030 --> 00:16:29,550 I've got some issues with my father, 366 00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:31,930 who I discovered wasn't my father, 367 00:16:31,930 --> 00:16:34,270 Also, I've got some issues with my mother, 368 00:16:34,270 --> 00:16:36,580 who very sadly is my mother. 369 00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:38,970 Also, I've got brothers. 370 00:16:38,970 --> 00:16:40,870 I should probably sit down. 371 00:16:41,590 --> 00:16:43,220 But when I woke up in the morning, 372 00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:44,150 she was gone. 373 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,900 And so was the lettuce. 374 00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:50,240 Why would anyone do that to my teddy bear? 375 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,730 And she was shouting at me! 376 00:16:52,730 --> 00:16:53,700 More talcum powder, 377 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:54,980 more talcum powder! 378 00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:57,580 But I didn't have any talcum powder! 379 00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:02,920 Why did she get the green crayon? 380 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,300 So, what do you think? 381 00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:07,880 You've said nothing all session, 382 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:09,200 and if you don't say anything, 383 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,920 how can I ever feel better about myself? 384 00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:17,030 Unless, of course, you're doing it deliberately. 385 00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,340 But why? 386 00:17:20,510 --> 00:17:21,940 You want me, 387 00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,690 to realize the only person who can help me, 388 00:17:24,690 --> 00:17:26,270 is me! 389 00:17:26,270 --> 00:17:28,860 My god, that's just cut straight to the heart of it. 390 00:17:28,860 --> 00:17:30,680 No wonder they call you brilliant! 391 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,480 I confess I was skeptical at first, 392 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:33,830 I think it was the egg-flipper thing 393 00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:35,640 that rotates on your head that put me off, 394 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,770 but you are right - it's about me, 395 00:17:37,770 --> 00:17:39,620 I've got to look inside myself 396 00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:41,650 and find my own hero! 397 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,150 Is that "time up"? 398 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,760 Look, I'll see you next session. 399 00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:52,860 Well, he said no. 400 00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:54,960 What are we going to do? 401 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,890 Well I've got an idea. 402 00:17:57,130 --> 00:17:58,850 How's your "lie mode" these days? 403 00:17:58,850 --> 00:18:01,310 You still do that crazy, nervous stuttery thing? 404 00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:02,420 Please, Sir. 405 00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:05,760 I am now fluent in all the deceptive arts. 406 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,690 I could work for FIFA! 407 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,470 Ah, there you are, Sir. 408 00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:21,180 I've been looking everywhere for you. 409 00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:21,980 There's been the most 410 00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:24,680 t-t-t-t-t-t-terrible mix up 411 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,130 with the m-m-m-medical results. 412 00:18:27,130 --> 00:18:27,950 Mix up?! 413 00:18:27,950 --> 00:18:28,770 Yes Sir. 414 00:18:28,780 --> 00:18:31,400 It's not Mr.-m-Mr.-m-Mr. Lister 415 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:32,640 who needs a new kidney, Sir - 416 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:33,580 it's you! 417 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:34,240 Me?! 418 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,570 Yes Sir, you! 419 00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:36,980 I'll need a new kidney?! 420 00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:40,960 Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes, Sir. 421 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,690 I must go and tell Mr. Lister. He will be so pleased! 422 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,640 Hey, no-no-no-wait! Slow down! 423 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,730 I need to see him first! 424 00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:55,420 Hey there Buddy, I've come to tuck you in! 425 00:18:57,210 --> 00:18:58,300 Okay. 426 00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,450 Here I go, 427 00:19:01,610 --> 00:19:04,370 Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tucky, tucky, tuck! 428 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,660 Tucky, tucky, tucky, tucky, tuck, tuck, tuck. 429 00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:09,220 Oh, by the way, 430 00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:11,670 I thought about what you said about the kidney thing? 431 00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:13,020 And I thought... 432 00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,010 What would you do 433 00:19:14,010 --> 00:19:16,160 if this whole situation was reversed? 434 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,020 You know what I'd do. 435 00:19:17,020 --> 00:19:18,940 I'd give you a kidney in ten seconds flat. 436 00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:21,090 That's why I'm going to give you one of my kidneys. 437 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,490 No way! 438 00:19:24,910 --> 00:19:26,220 It's yours, Bud! 439 00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:28,530 Just slice me open and haul it out. 440 00:19:28,530 --> 00:19:29,640 And while you're in there, 441 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,140 if you take a shine to anything else, 442 00:19:31,140 --> 00:19:32,570 just grab that, too! 443 00:19:33,230 --> 00:19:35,660 You want 20 yards of my lower intestine? 444 00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:38,090 Just unroll that sucker, throw it over your shoulder 445 00:19:38,090 --> 00:19:39,100 and stroll on out! 446 00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:41,860 What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine. 447 00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:45,780 Budskis 'til the day I get my first wrinkle, right?! 448 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,430 Right. 449 00:19:47,650 --> 00:19:49,040 What's this? 450 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:51,370 Consent form. You need to sign it. 451 00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:53,490 Well give me a pen. Let's get this done! 452 00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:55,020 'Cause like you said, 453 00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:55,960 if the roles were reversed, 454 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:57,250 you'd be there for me, right? 455 00:19:57,250 --> 00:19:58,490 Damn right. 456 00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,330 Uh, it's just one "t", right? 457 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,290 I knew that! 458 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,270 Oh, Mr. Lister, Sir. 459 00:20:06,270 --> 00:20:08,570 I scarcely know where to begin. 460 00:20:08,830 --> 00:20:10,360 Calm down, Bud! 461 00:20:10,530 --> 00:20:11,890 Whatever's wrong? 462 00:20:11,890 --> 00:20:14,550 I got the kidney tests mixed up! 463 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,260 Nooo!! 464 00:20:16,470 --> 00:20:19,640 He got the kidney tests mixed up! 465 00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:22,060 At first, I thought it was Mr. Lister 466 00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:23,070 who had no kidneys. 467 00:20:23,070 --> 00:20:24,830 But when I checked the results again, 468 00:20:24,830 --> 00:20:26,060 I discovered that it was you 469 00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:27,660 who had no kidneys, Sir. 470 00:20:27,670 --> 00:20:30,320 I'm going to have to get myself a kidney then. 471 00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:31,740 But where? 472 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,610 But then I thought to myself, 473 00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:37,250 if you have no kidneys, 474 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:38,910 how come you're not dead? 475 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:39,760 Yeah. 476 00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,000 How come you're not dead? 477 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:43,940 Why is that? 478 00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:46,630 Well then I went and looked at the medi-results again, 479 00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:47,700 and blow me! 480 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,460 I discovered I hadn't made a mistake after all. 481 00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:54,880 I beg your pardon? 482 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,110 Yeah. Mr. Lister needs new kidneys, 483 00:20:57,110 --> 00:20:58,610 not you, Sir. 484 00:20:58,950 --> 00:21:00,100 I've got the form. 485 00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:01,100 I've got it signed. 486 00:21:01,110 --> 00:21:03,110 Let's get smocked up and do this. 487 00:21:05,290 --> 00:21:06,240 What's that?! 488 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:07,640 Pre-op injection, Sir. 489 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:08,860 It will help you relax. 490 00:21:08,870 --> 00:21:11,050 Oh, I very much doubt that! 491 00:21:20,390 --> 00:21:24,150 Asclepius, are you ready to rewrite the DNA? 492 00:21:24,220 --> 00:21:25,440 Before we begin, 493 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:26,870 what do you do when a bunch of people 494 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:29,790 think you're some Fancy Dan DNA medi-computer when, 495 00:21:29,820 --> 00:21:32,860 in fact, that's not what you do at all? 496 00:21:32,870 --> 00:21:34,200 What do you do? 497 00:21:34,330 --> 00:21:35,830 Look on my back. 498 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,110 "Snacky". Automated snack dispenser. 499 00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:41,150 For service, please call... 500 00:21:41,150 --> 00:21:44,440 there's a number with a Milton Keynes dialing code. 501 00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:55,440 So where does this leave us? 502 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,440 Well, without a state-of-the-art medi-bot, 503 00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:00,360 we can't rewrite the Cat's DNA and his kidneys 504 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,910 won't be compatible. 505 00:22:01,910 --> 00:22:03,800 It's like V.H.S. and Betamax - 506 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,880 or the Catholic church and science. 507 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,280 Kryten, when we were on that space station, 508 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,970 we came across this skeleton, right. 509 00:22:10,970 --> 00:22:13,110 It was weird because the DNAon the knife 510 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,200 was the same 511 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,600 as the DNA in the body. 512 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,190 Could this Romero guy 513 00:22:17,190 --> 00:22:19,660 have somehow been killed by his own clone? 514 00:22:19,660 --> 00:22:21,820 And if so, can we clone me? 515 00:22:21,820 --> 00:22:23,730 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, 516 00:22:23,730 --> 00:22:26,460 but Romero wasn't killed by his own clone. 517 00:22:26,460 --> 00:22:27,730 Well who killed him, then? 518 00:22:27,730 --> 00:22:30,400 He was a stasis engineer working on a project 519 00:22:30,410 --> 00:22:31,520 to hack stasis booths 520 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,190 in order to create a portal 521 00:22:33,190 --> 00:22:34,460 back into the past. 522 00:22:34,460 --> 00:22:35,970 He used to talk about it with his colleagues 523 00:22:35,970 --> 00:22:37,930 when they were ordering snacks. 524 00:22:37,930 --> 00:22:39,950 One day, his future self appeared 525 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,740 and told him to never go back in time, 526 00:22:41,740 --> 00:22:43,620 or he'd be stabbed to death. 527 00:22:43,620 --> 00:22:45,710 The younger Romero refused to believe him, 528 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,480 and stabbed him to death. 529 00:22:47,790 --> 00:22:49,750 He realized what a terrible thing he'd done, 530 00:22:49,750 --> 00:22:52,170 so he went back in time to warn his younger self, 531 00:22:52,170 --> 00:22:54,170 but got stabbed to death. 532 00:22:55,860 --> 00:22:58,240 Could we use his research somehow? 533 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,260 You mean use Romero's configuration 534 00:23:00,260 --> 00:23:02,000 to go back in time, 535 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,240 and take the younger Mr. Lister's kidney's 536 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,060 and insert them into you, Sir? 537 00:23:06,060 --> 00:23:08,020 But wouldn't his future self drop dead? 538 00:23:08,020 --> 00:23:10,770 Not if we insert an MTK chip in him 539 00:23:10,770 --> 00:23:12,700 to keep him going, until he turns 540 00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:14,030 from younger Mr. Lister 541 00:23:14,030 --> 00:23:15,700 into present-day Mr. Lister! 542 00:23:15,700 --> 00:23:17,570 How can you nick my internal organs 543 00:23:17,570 --> 00:23:18,840 with me not noticing? 544 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:19,860 We chloroform you, 545 00:23:19,860 --> 00:23:20,720 swipe your kidneys, 546 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,360 and then you wake up feeling groggy, 547 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:23,850 think you must have got black-out drunk- 548 00:23:23,850 --> 00:23:24,890 which you did! 549 00:23:25,110 --> 00:23:26,260 You know, that's right! 550 00:23:26,260 --> 00:23:27,650 I blacked out, 551 00:23:27,660 --> 00:23:29,360 and then spent two days in bed 552 00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:30,580 feeling like the living dead. 553 00:23:30,580 --> 00:23:31,910 No offense. 554 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,480 And I couldn't understand it 555 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,430 'cause I could only remember having two drinks. 556 00:23:36,430 --> 00:23:38,720 But it wasn't that - it was 'cause I had no kidneys, 557 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,610 I only have the MTK chip keeping me alive! 558 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,070 You know, I believe we can do this, Sir! 559 00:23:44,070 --> 00:23:44,840 How? 560 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,740 No one knows how to reconfigure the stasis booths. 561 00:23:47,940 --> 00:23:49,040 What about you? 562 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,890 I'm a snack machine. 563 00:23:52,390 --> 00:23:53,420 Did you overhear Romero 564 00:23:53,420 --> 00:23:55,260 when he was talking about the adjustments? 565 00:23:55,260 --> 00:23:58,560 But he only ever figured out how to go back 30 years. 566 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,940 Going back just a few days needs precision accuracy. 567 00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:03,550 Well, you could build on his findings. 568 00:24:03,550 --> 00:24:07,230 I'm just a snack dispenser. I just dispense snacks. 569 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,950 But when we had our therapy sessions, 570 00:24:08,950 --> 00:24:11,500 you taught me how to find the hero inside myself. 571 00:24:11,510 --> 00:24:12,680 No, I didn't. 572 00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:13,650 And you know why? 573 00:24:13,650 --> 00:24:16,280 I-I'm just a snack dispenser. 574 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,110 Yes, you're just a snack dispenser 575 00:24:18,110 --> 00:24:19,950 if you think you're just a snack dispenser, 576 00:24:19,950 --> 00:24:21,750 but you're not only a snack dispenser, 577 00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:22,630 you're something more 578 00:24:22,630 --> 00:24:24,410 if you decide you want to be something more! 579 00:24:24,410 --> 00:24:26,140 You taught me that in our first session! 580 00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:28,120 I didn't teach you anything. You know why?!? 581 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,980 Me, me, me, me! I got this one! 582 00:24:29,980 --> 00:24:31,430 Is it because you're a snack dispenser? 583 00:24:31,430 --> 00:24:32,970 I'm a snack dispenser! 584 00:24:34,540 --> 00:24:36,170 Let me ask you a few questions. 585 00:24:36,180 --> 00:24:39,240 How do you unify the triode valve? 586 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,270 You reduce the transmoculiter ??? settings. 587 00:24:41,330 --> 00:24:42,440 Yes! 588 00:24:42,450 --> 00:24:43,450 Did you know that? 589 00:24:43,450 --> 00:24:44,570 No. It's just a long word. 590 00:24:44,570 --> 00:24:46,470 It's good enough for me. 591 00:24:46,540 --> 00:24:49,060 What does G.F.R. stand for? 592 00:24:49,060 --> 00:24:51,490 Gyrospectic functioning rate. 593 00:24:51,540 --> 00:24:54,180 You're right. Perhaps I can do this. 594 00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:57,620 Okay. Get me to the nearest stasis booth. 595 00:25:06,270 --> 00:25:08,640 There. That should do it. 596 00:25:08,750 --> 00:25:10,730 All right then. Let's do this! 597 00:25:10,730 --> 00:25:11,830 Oh! Before we do, 598 00:25:11,830 --> 00:25:13,380 can I have a pack of twirly-whirlers? 599 00:25:13,380 --> 00:25:14,430 Please. 600 00:25:14,430 --> 00:25:16,620 I'm a stasis booth engineer. 601 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,580 You've changed. 602 00:25:26,190 --> 00:25:28,120 It's Sunday! It worked! 603 00:25:30,030 --> 00:25:31,700 The MTK chip is expiring, Sir. 604 00:25:31,710 --> 00:25:33,710 We haven't got much time! 605 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:51,540 Tough as old boots. 606 00:26:01,860 --> 00:26:03,080 What now? 607 00:26:03,510 --> 00:26:04,880 We've got to return that Lister 608 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:05,980 to the sleeping quarters 609 00:26:06,010 --> 00:26:07,600 and then get this Lister back to the present. 610 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,230 Where he can recuperate in the science room 611 00:26:09,230 --> 00:26:11,280 and get back to full health. 612 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:11,990 Someone's coming! 613 00:26:11,990 --> 00:26:14,170 It's crucial we're not discovered by our old selves. 614 00:26:14,190 --> 00:26:17,330 It could discombobulate the entire space-time continuum! 615 00:26:17,330 --> 00:26:18,850 Quick! In here! 616 00:26:19,890 --> 00:26:20,980 Where to, Sirs? 617 00:26:21,010 --> 00:26:23,230 The sleeping quarters, and make it snappy. 618 00:26:30,630 --> 00:26:32,070 Lift coming, Sir. 619 00:26:32,570 --> 00:26:33,620 Come on, come on! 620 00:26:33,650 --> 00:26:35,700 Why are you always so slow?! 621 00:26:35,730 --> 00:26:38,390 I've seen snails with clubbed feet travel faster than you. 622 00:26:38,420 --> 00:26:40,470 The French Army after lunch move quicker! 623 00:26:41,340 --> 00:26:43,830 Sir, your past self is calling for the lift. 624 00:26:43,860 --> 00:26:45,930 Don't tell him anything. You'll blow the time line. 625 00:26:45,980 --> 00:26:47,580 He's getting really angry, Sir. 626 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,050 Ignore him. He's an idiot. 627 00:26:49,310 --> 00:26:50,170 But he's you! 628 00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:51,500 He's "past" me. 629 00:26:51,550 --> 00:26:53,330 "Present" me is a whole lot smarter. 630 00:26:53,380 --> 00:26:55,660 I understand now why you were so slow. 631 00:26:55,690 --> 00:26:58,080 You were transporting us, but you couldn't tell me. 632 00:26:58,110 --> 00:26:59,940 He's threatening to fire me, Sir. 633 00:26:59,970 --> 00:27:01,580 How can you fire a lift? 634 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:04,010 What is wrong with him? He's a total gimboid. 635 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,660 Look, I'll make it right when I'm back in the present. 636 00:27:06,690 --> 00:27:08,690 I'll un-fire you. Promote you, even. 637 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,330 Install you in that swanky 638 00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:12,200 glass shaft over on the officer's deck. 639 00:27:12,220 --> 00:27:13,220 How does that sound? 640 00:27:13,250 --> 00:27:15,850 Officer's deck? That sounds marvelous, Sir! 641 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,430 I'll get the other one! 642 00:27:25,860 --> 00:27:26,700 Lights! 643 00:27:33,710 --> 00:27:35,000 Wait for me!! 644 00:27:41,140 --> 00:27:42,010 A couple of days 645 00:27:42,030 --> 00:27:43,820 recuperating in the science room, Sir 646 00:27:43,820 --> 00:27:45,030 and you'll be right as rain. 647 00:27:45,030 --> 00:27:46,160 So I'm going to be okay? 648 00:27:46,190 --> 00:27:47,420 And so will the past you, 649 00:27:47,420 --> 00:27:48,520 whose kidneys you 650 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,190 body-napped to give to yourself. 651 00:27:50,220 --> 00:27:51,800 Where would I be without me. 652 00:27:51,850 --> 00:27:53,560 Probably sat here without any kidneys. 653 00:27:53,590 --> 00:27:55,450 Whereas now, I'm sat there without any kidneys. 654 00:27:55,460 --> 00:27:56,870 Good 'ol me, eh? 655 00:28:08,150 --> 00:28:10,350 Ah, hello Rimmer. Remember me? 656 00:28:10,370 --> 00:28:11,610 Of course! 657 00:28:11,770 --> 00:28:14,490 They moved you down to Shaft 6? 658 00:28:14,510 --> 00:28:16,380 Three weeks I've been waiting for that promotion 659 00:28:16,380 --> 00:28:17,640 you promised me. 660 00:28:17,710 --> 00:28:19,730 Yeah. That sort of slipped my mind. 661 00:28:19,780 --> 00:28:20,870 I've got some news. 662 00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:22,930 Snacky's installed a new killer power reactor 663 00:28:22,930 --> 00:28:23,920 to my counter balance, 664 00:28:23,980 --> 00:28:26,070 which means I can now travel between floors 665 00:28:26,090 --> 00:28:27,810 at close to the speed of light. 666 00:28:27,830 --> 00:28:29,330 I haven't tested it yet, though. 667 00:28:29,380 --> 00:28:31,300 I've been waiting for you, Rimmer. 668 00:28:31,330 --> 00:28:33,260 Close to the speed of light? 669 00:28:33,310 --> 00:28:35,620 I'm going to take you on the ride of your life. 670 00:28:35,650 --> 00:28:36,630 Now hang on! 671 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:37,630 No. 672 00:28:37,710 --> 00:28:38,860 You hang on.